Good morning, everybody. My name is Frank. I'm an alcoholic. I'm grateful to God and to AA to be here today sober. I was trying to slow down saying that because some people would be like, hey, what do you say when you start? And I got that from a guy named Sill in Detroit who was uh a guy who used to I used to go to this meeting on Friday nights, and there were a bunch of guys that were kind of like tough love, you know. They you know, if you got a problem, leave it at the table. Uh there was no holes, bars, people would share some pretty intimate stuff going on in their lives, you know. And it was a group of men that I really respected, and still was one of those old timers who um, you know, probably not with us anymore, but you know, made an impression on me. I asked him, can I use that? And he said yes. So um first I'd like to open, let's start with uh open with a moment of silence for the still-suffering alcoholic, followed by the Trinity of Prayer. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. So is Lou in the house? Lou's back there? Yeah. Um I'll tell a story since Robert brought it up that I moved to Indianapolis in 2006. Um, one of the old timers, another old timer, um, he would say that you know, don't make any major decisions in your first five years. And uh I decided at three and a half years to up-end my family and move them, you know, five hours away from um grandma and grandpa, and my my wife is an only child. I'm the baby nine, they probably didn't even miss me. Um my my dad's like, who's Frank? You know. Um, but my my wife's parents were pretty. My wife's mom was cool, she was upset, but my father-in-law didn't talk to me for about a year uh after I moved. He was really angry with me. Um wasn't the first time I made my father-in-law angry, wasn't the last time. Um, but Lou, so I had a uh I was the district committee member for area 21, uh, excuse me, district 21, area 33, and so I moved here and I met Lou at um Orchard Park Monday night. And they they needed a GSR, and I was like, well, cool, I can I can do that. I'll get you know get it get connected with the district and I'll I'll go and and uh so I went to the first district meeting. First, Lou invited me to Tough Love, which was the next night, and he became my sponsor for uh a couple years, and we kind of faded apart because Lou was busy with his you know kids and life, and and I was busy and I was traveling, and so um I I got a new sponsor after that for a little while. But um but again Lou Lou made an impression on me, and it's it's it's ironic that I ended up in tough love because uh the the person that was um our delegate in Detroit, Laura Hummel, uh great lady, is still my my service sponsor today. I still call her when something hits the fan in Indianapolis, she's the first person I I call for advice. Her and Marco have served together on the pan on panel 56. And she gave me Marco's number and she gave me a lady whose um I can't remember her name, but she was a delegate as well, and because she was involved in the region. And I ended up in Tough Love. Who do I meet the next night after moving to Indianapolis? It was Marco. And you know, so like God has a way of putting people together. You know, Marco's no longer with us, but he was a great influence in that tough love meeting for a long time, and to Indianapolis as a whole. So anyway, I uh I was gonna tell a joke, but uh I uh I guess I will tell it, you know, to to just to lighten the crowd. Um, so this I didn't I didn't it's not an original. Um Mad F told this joke, uh Catfish told this joke up here at the podium when he spoke a few years ago. He's a good friend of mine and uh um you know a guy I really respect, and a lot of you guys know him. He's he's a cool dude. So so drunk is in a bar and uh he he throws up on a shirt and looks at the guy next to him and says, uh what am I gonna do about this? And uh the guy says, Hey, just put 10 bucks in your pocket, and when you go home, tell your wife that some drunk puked on you, you know, and she'll feel sorry for you, and you know, you'll you could take her clothes to the dry cleaners. So he proceeds to drink the rest of the night. He goes home and uh walks, stumbles in the door, and his wife looks at him and like, oh, you're such a mess. Look at you, you threw up on your shirt, and he's like, drunk puked on me. She goes, He gave me this money. Ten bucks. He goes, Well, there's 20 there. She says, There's 20 there. Oh yeah, he pooped in my pants, too. So, again, not an original. I'm not a great storyteller, a great uh joke teller, but I figured I'd light in the crowd. So, let's start. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him, praying only for the knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out. So, you know, what does that mean? Um, there's three parts to that, kind of like the 12th step, sott through prayer, and meditation. Um my prayer and meditation started like this. And I think some of you have sat with me tonight, maybe or this weekend, and the third step. And it said, Lenny told me, my sponsor when I came back this time, he said uh I came back and I was like, I mean, I this is not my first big book, but if you look, it's it's pretty highlighted and outlined, and I've read it and I know it pretty well, kind of like Mark Miller. You know, somebody might call me a big book thumper. Um I really believe in the text. I have a have a gift to memorize stuff, um, which was funny because when I was a kid they thought I had a learning disability for uh reading comprehension. But it might have been half might have had to do with the pot I smoked at lunch and came back and took a test. I don't know, maybe. But anyway, um thought through prayer and meditation. You know, my uh my sponsor Lenny, I pulled my book out. Maybe it was week two, week three, and we're sitting down. We went to dinner on Saturday nights after the meeting. Um, and I said, Hey Lenny, I know like if I do this, this, and this, I'll stay sober, you know. And he's like, you know, Scott would say his sponsors, Henry called him rookie, but he didn't call me rookie, but he's like, basically, rookie, you don't know Jack. Uh you know, your best thinking on your best day turns you into an alcoholic. What makes you think you're gonna think your way out of this thing? And it was like somebody flipped the light switch. Finally, I had it after, you know, wanting to stop doing what I was doing to myself at 16, 17, going to treatment, 14 years in and out of the fellowship, I finally got it. It was that it was that uh, you know, that white light moment for me was I can't fix me. But he said, God could and what if you were stopped? He goes, Are you willing? Do you believe in God? I said, Yes. I've always believed in God. He said, Are you do you believe that I believe? And I said, Yes. He goes, if you go home tonight, whether you believe it or not and get on your knees, even if you got to take your shoes off and put them underneath your bed and say thank you. And you get up in the morning and get on your knees and pull those shoes out and say, Please help me stay sober today. Your life will change. And I was like, Okay, I'm willing to do that, man. I'm desperate, man. I'm gonna kill myself drinking. Um so I was willing to do that, you know. And it it it wasn't like um I didn't feel bad about it. Like, I mean, I believed in God. I I went to church when I was growing up. I actually probably was still participating in church at the usher with my dad at the time. Um, but I really had gets something out of the sermon, but I just really wasn't active there. I really wasn't, I mean, I was showed up, I suited up, but I just wasn't getting it, you know? And it couldn't keep me sober. So I'm like, what do I have to lose? Just get on your knees and say please and thank you. Pretty simple, right? So my prayer life has grown much more than that. I'll talk about it a little bit, but you know, that sought-through prayer is like getting up in the morning and asking God to keep me sober, you know, saying, you know, 3, 7, 11, and some other prayers, and I'll talk about that later a little bit too. Um, but that prayer life has grown over time, and I have to say this before, you know, really move forward, but I but I was thinking about this. So Ryan, I wasn't gonna come to the retreat. And I told Ryan, I was like, I'm you know, he goes, You going to the retreat this year? And I'm like, nah, I don't think I'm gonna go. Like, I I got commitments, you know, I'm going to Alaska with my wife and mother-in-law and her friend, and we went to Mexico earlier this year, and I do a lot of racing events, and like, you know, I uh my you know might be going out wet out east to see my daughter because she got a job on the East Coast, first her first job as a professor. So I was like, you know, I don't know if I can commit to that weekend, you know, and I just don't know what's going on. And he's like, oh man, you know, hoping you're gonna come, but something like that. He didn't tell me, but and then I don't know, a couple months went by and I said, Hey, I'm gonna I'm gonna go to the retreat. I just I just sent Robert the money and signed up, and he's like, Great, we're gonna ask you to give the lead on the 11th step. And I'm like, Me? You want me to give in the step on the 11th? I don't think I'm the most spiritual guy in the room, right? Um, but when I think about it, really, I have a really good, I'm really disciplined in my prayer and meditation. Um it is God is speaking through me. Um, but I but I would first say, you're not worthy of giving that presentation, you know. That's my defeatist mindset. Like I'm not good enough to give this presentation. A lot of other men here that can do a lot better job than me. Um and I was, you know, if this we've heard some of those presentations this weekend, you know, and uh so I would look at like I'm not the best to do this, but I'm gonna give it my best effort. So thanks for inviting me. Thanks to the committee, thanks for everybody that put on a great weekend. Um, I appreciate all you guys, and I'm glad that I decided to come. So, okay. So, I'm gonna open the book. I don't have anything original. Um everything I have comes from this book or other men that have shared it with me. So let's start there. And I preparing for this, I went back and I was like, well, you know, I really haven't read the 12 and 12 on the 11th step. Maybe I should do that. So I read it twice yesterday. And I got a couple nuggets out of it. But you know, the 12 and 12, in this step in particular, at least, it's you know, like a 10th step, you can get way more out of the 12 and 12 than you can in the big book. But in the 11th step, it's really, really aligned. Like everything that's in the 12 and 12 is already covered in the big book. And I'm a guy who spends all my time in 164. So, um, and I'll talk about that as part of my my prayer and meditation. So, but at the beginning, the the step step 11 suggests prayer and meditation. We shouldn't shy away from this matter. Better men than us, I believe is what it says. Uh, than we are using it constantly. It works. We have the proper attitude to work on it. If we have the proper attitude to agree on. It would be easy to be vague about this matter, yet we believe we can make some definite and valuable suggestions. First, when we retire at night. I went home, I went to my room last night around 9:30. I was tired, man. That you guys wore me out, man. I all that thinking and praying and you know, listening, and you know, I wrote, I actually, for the first time ever in an AA meeting, I took notes. And you guys sent some, you said you shared some good nuggets with me, and I'll I'll take that with me moving forward. But great presentations. And um says, when we're tired at night, we constructively review our day, you know, the inventory part of this. And I I did not um I do not do this on a regular basis as far as writing down, and I didn't write anything down last night, but I did like I pulled out the book and looked at what it says, and it says, Were we resentful? Selfish, dishonest, or afraid? Do we own an apology? Have we kept something to ourselves, which could be discussed at once with with another person at once? Were we kind and loving toward all? Um, and I reviewed, like, hey, did I did I say anything out of line today? Did I did I offend anybody? You know, was I selfish? The only thing I could come up with, I was selfish maybe when I uh uh David had a headache and I didn't go to my car immediately and get him Advil, you know, a leave yes. And I have it, my car, you know, but like I probably could have went outside and got that a leave for him and helped him out. But that was probably the only thing I really had in that inventory. Um in that inventory, um I started with my sponsor. About a decade ago, I got a new sponsor, Scott J. Some of you know him. And um the one thing I love about Scott is he's always the best to pump you up. You know, he is really, really good about giving uh pr uh praise to you as an individual. Like when I'm down on myself, he's like, what about Kim? What about the great relationship you built with your wife? What about Allison and her career and you know, all the things you've done with her, and what about Devin and how he's killing at IU and just becoming a great man? And what what about you know your work and the people that respect you and your job? And you know, he he is so good at praise. I am horrible at praise. You know, um, but we started with this inventory at Tough Love in the parking lot because that we went up there one night and the meeting wasn't there. And so I don't know why the meeting wasn't there, it wasn't in the other house, you know, just wasn't there, and we went on the picnic table and we sat down and we opened up the book, and it was a tenth step. But it was basically that if the tenth step reflects what the 11th step, or the 11th step reflects what the tenth step says in that inventory. Exactly that, wherever I've been uh resentful, selfish, dishonest, or uh uh afraid. You know, doing an apology. Um and we went through that and then we prayed together, holding hands in the middle of an empty uh pavilion, just the two of us. And that started to work so good that we did it with other men. And we still do it currently. Like if I go to used to drive, Scott would pick me up on Monday nights and we'd go to suburban north, and we would do that, you know, after. And we we started doing this with other guys and in the parking lot, ladies, and you know, it worked out really outstanding my driveway in the middle of a summer night, you know, neighbors walking by with their dogs, and Scott and I are standing there holding hands praying. You know, you want to talk about humbly willing to ask God to remove these things from me, you know. I do that today, you know, I'm not afraid to do it. So that 11th step is it starts at night. You know, then we go to the thing. The next part of this step is on awakening, let us think about the 24 hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day before we begin. We ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest, or self-seeking motives. Under these conditions, we can employ our mental faculties with assurance, for after all, God gave us brains to use. Our thought life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is clear, is cleared of wrong motives. So am I starting my day off with prayer? I could tell you my routine is I get up in the morning, I put on the coffee, I take a leak, because I'm 55 and I need to hit the restroom personally, and then I come out and I, you know, brush my teeth, and then I go make coffee. And while the coffee's brewing, I say my prayers. I go, my meditation is stretching because I got a bad back. It's already hurting me standing on this stage right now, and it helps me is to do that stretching. And then um uh I read two pages of the big book every morning, and I go from um start to finish, uh doctor's opinion through um vision for you. And sometimes I'm reading like to the wives and the family afterward, to the employers, and I'm like, Do I really need to read this? Yes, you need to read this because you're gonna get something out of it to help somebody else out. Uh but I read those two pages big book, and I didn't start that until about two years ago, three years ago. I went to a meeting with a group of guys, Dignitary Sympathy Group in Brighton, Michigan. It's not the digs. Don't call it the digs, because you will be challenged on it. We call it the digs here in Indianapolis. We're a little softer here, I guess, than they are up in Michigan. Um when you open up the meeting, you read how it works. So if you if Howard Works is sitting in front of you, read it, and then you have to tell what five things you did to stay sober in the last the last week. My five things were I went to a meeting with my sponsor, we prayed together twice, I carried the message into a treatment center, I made coffee, set up my meeting, my home group, I helped clean up. Um I talked to another alcoholic every day and hit four meetings. Did you read anything? I mean, they challenge you. It's kind of like the Saturday morning, don't call it a meeting, a meeting. I'm looking at Mark because somebody told me to tell me that's my new home group. But anyway, watch your head explode, they said. So uh yeah. So anyway, uh so I got challenged, and the digs, they they they'll like they you know crosstalk and they challenge me on these things like, did you read anything? We we encourage people to read AA literature. I'm like, I didn't read a darn thing. We encourage people to read two pages of the big book every morning. And I'll text you every time I change chapters. And there's a guy up there, and I I can't remember his name right now, but I if I looked at my phone, I could see it. But he does. He texts me, not every single chapter he starts, but he texts me often, once every two, three weeks, um, about this. And I was like, and I went up to him after and thanked him because I hadn't been reading any literature. As a matter of fact, I had been getting up in the morning, rushing through my prayers. I get two texts in the morning, one from uh Mike L from Cleveland, who used to come to this retreat, and another from my uh my my roommate in treatment in 1988. And every morning get those two texts, and I get a text from a guy named Jerry D, who runs the fourth dimension meeting down at Carbell Club. And I was rushing through those two texts in the morning so I could get to Facebook, or I can get to an email, or I could get to the project in my backyard that I need to design and build and manage. And I was rushing through those texts, you know, and I wasn't reading any literature. And uh frankly, I was like being really selfish and self-centered, not that I'm not that on a regular basis. Um, but I have this 11th step and the 10th step to get through that. So I read those two-page big book, and you know, sometimes I get something out of it, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I'll read it, and this has happened many times where I'll read it and go to a meeting, and the topic is that, what I just read that morning. It's happened multiple times. You don't think that's God speaking through me, speaking to me through meditation? That's meditation, for sure. In thinking about our day, when we face indecision, we may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or decision. Relax. We take it easy. We don't struggle. We're often surprised how the right answers will come if we've tried this for a while. What used to be a hunch or an occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind. Being still an experience and having made just made conscious contact with God, it is probable that we are going to be, not going to be inspired at all times. We might pay for this presumption with all sorts of absurd actions, ideas. Nevertheless, we find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more and more a plane of inspiration. We come to rely upon it. You know, this occasional hunch, this talking to us through, you know, a meeting topic. Somebody share something in a meeting. Um those are the hunches, the you know, the inspiration that I get from you men and women in the program. I get a lot from a lot of the ladies too. They're way better at the stuff that we are, you know, writing down stuff. I watch them in meetings, and I mean it's like I wish I could be that that dedicated to you know hearing what you guys say and writing it down. And um, and I see some of some of us do it, so I just decided to do it yesterday. So well, we usually usually conclude the prayer, a period of meditation, with a prayer that would be shown throughout the day what our next step is to be, that we be given whatever we need. Sorry, I lost my place, whatever we need to take care of such problems. We especially for uh we ask especially for freedom from self-will and are careful to make no requests for ourselves only. We ask, we may ask for ourselves, however, if others are to be helped. We are careful never to pray for our own selfish ends. Many of us waste a lot of time in doing so, and it doesn't work. You can you can easily see why. God, get me out of this jam. I won't do this again. How many prayers do we use like that when we were out there drinking? How many times do I say, and it talks about this in the 12 and 12, how many times do I say, Man, I really helped this guy get to that? I really I pray. For this guy, or I'm praying for this, you know. I hope you cure this person of cancer. Um, I hope they can get through that struggle of losing their parent. Like, that's not what I'm supposed to do. It tells me clearly I'm not supposed to do that. Um, but I do it still sometimes. Um but I'm supposed to pray whatever God's will is for that person, you know, not pray for what I think God's will is. So, next step, next part of this, as we go throughout the day, when we go through the day, we pause when agitated or doubtful. Um I've been really upset with a guy I work with, and I've been praying for that SOB. Prayed for him for two weeks straight. I had a civil conversation with him the other day, where I didn't yell, I didn't scream, I just clearly articulated what uh we as a sales organization, as a leader of the sales organization, expect. Sales lead the process, not the other way around. And I've been agitated and doubtful and mad, and I have talked crap about the guy, I probably own him end. Um I've shared it in meetings, and I came to the Saturday morning meeting a few weeks ago, and the topic was that. It was the ninth step or tenth step, I can't remember, but I really keyed into like, man, I haven't prayed for this guy. He's a sick individual, I haven't prayed for him, you know. Um, and to treat him like a sick person instead of treating him like, you know, an enemy. So, but I have paused when I was agitated in doubtful, not sent an email, not picked up the phone, um and prayed for the guy instead, you know, and uh that's what exactly what it tells us to do there, you know. Um I think in the 10th step in the 12 and 12, you might talk about restraint of uh pen and tongue. Um I have to do that, you know, because um if not, it's just all about me. And it's all about how I feel instead of understanding, you know, being compassionate towards this individual I'm upset with, or institution for that matter, sometimes. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbling saying to ourselves, many times each day, thy will be done, we are in less, much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we are trying to arrange life to suit ourselves. We alcoholics are undisciplined. So we let God discipline us in a simple way we just outlined. But that is not all. There is action and more action. Faith without works is dead. The next chapter is devoted entirely to that. I'm not gonna steal any thunder from Ted because I know he's gonna kill it on the 12th step. But, you know, this nugget that I pulled out of the 12 and 12 goes back and reflects on that. There's a direct linkage among self-examination and meditation and prayer. Taken separately, these practices can bring much relief and benefit. But when they are logically related and interwoven, the result is an unshakable foundation for life. You know, um, I use reflection, self-reflection, to help me identify why I feel the way I do, and then understanding the the root cause, usually it's fear that's causing me to feel a certain way. Either I'm in fear of tomorrow or morbid reflection of yesterday, not in today. And when I use this process of I of looking at myself first and walking through that 10-step inventory during the day, 11-step inventory at night, and share uh with others what's going on with me, I get I get an understanding and I usually get past the problem, whatever that is. Understand how to pray for an individual that I'm upset with. You know, uh understand not to take action, even when my mind tells me, you know, you you deserve respect or you deserve to say peace speak your mind. Like, how many times do we feel that way? Especially in business, you know, uh especially outside of here. It's easy for me to be a you know a guru of the big book and you know, talk a big talk, but how am I acting when I walk out the door? You know? Um, how sober do you want to be? I'm still gonna use it, man. I know you didn't say it, but like just like me, I didn't get anything, I don't have anything original. So um, so I'm gonna share a little bit about that prayer life and that discipline. Um, what does it mean to me? What is this, what do these readings mean to me? Am I doing all right on time, by the way? Okay. What does this all mean for me? Um for me, it's it's humility through discipline, you know. Um when I first started working with Scott J, he uh he would he would wake up and and uh love Scott, but he'll he'll tell me uh you know I need to take it easy more, and I'll I'll share what he tells me later. Um but he would tell me I need to take it easy. I work really hard. And I'm like, man, I I work from home on Monday and Friday. Usually I'm setting up for a race event that weekend on Friday, get in my car, going to get gas, you know, getting stuff loaded in my truck. Like, I don't work that hard. I'm really efficient at what I do. Now I took a new job and now I have to actually work. When I was ready to retire six months ago, and some people talked me off the ledge, like Chad. Um now I'm like, now I have to actually work uh for a living. Um my sponsor Lenny told me that I when I got sober, he's like, no more noon golf outings, no more topless bars, which I spent a lot of time in. I entertained myself really well when I was when I was still drinking. Um you know, he he uh he made it really clear like, hey, you know, uh you you need some discipline in your life. You need to get on your knees in the morning. Um other story I and I'll I'll tell another story about Lenny in a little bit, but like he told me. Um God, I had it. My head'll come back to me. Um so discipline. Uh over the years, my prayer life's grown. You know, start off with the simple please and thank you. And it's turned into uh these prayers that are outlined in the book. So I'm gonna use the the guide to the fourth dimension meeting. I mean, it's a pretty cool pamphlet that goes over recovery. They use this. If you ever go to Carvel, if you ever get a chance, go to Carvel on a Thursday night, or go up to New Baltimore, Michigan, see catfish. You know, he's really, really good at articulating a big book, man. If you ever sat in a meeting with him, he's awesome. But these prayers are third-step prayer, God, I offer myself to thee. You know, the bill with me and do with me as thou wilt. Relieve me of the bounded self that I may better do thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help with thy power, thy love, and thy way of life. May I do thy will always. That's my first prayer in the morning. My second prayer is that I ask God to show me the same tolerance, pity, uh, patience that I would cheerfully grant a sick man. God save me from being angry. And I talked about this prayer for this man for you know two weeks that I did. Well, I wasn't using that. I was saying that prayer every morning, but I wasn't taking the action. And I look at my inventory and I'm like, I gotta pray for this guy because he's really pissing me off, to be frank with you. Uh then there's another really, really cool one in how it works. We talk about the fear inventory. I got this, I was driving up to South Bend, I think. Um, I was going up to make one sales call, South Bend, three hours, commute, two and a half hours commute from Noblesville to South Bend, and I was like, you're really terrible at your job. Keep in mind I've been doing it 25 years at this time. And I'm beating myself up. And I'm like, you're really bad at your job. You know, you're making one sales call, you're not gonna go make any cold calls, you know, you're just gonna take the customer lunch and come home. Um, and this is my defeatus mind, you know, the the the you know, the crazy Ivans creeping in, as my sponsor would call it. And this prayer came to me as like, God, please remove my fear and direct my attention to what you have me be. It says that when we say that, at once we commenced to outgrow fear. And I could tell you for a fact that that prayer absolutely works because when I when I used it that day, I was like right back into the moment. Go do your job, take care of what you need to take care of. You know, if you have time, make stop and make a couple cold calls, which I did. And I use that prayer every morning. Um I think we ask, you know, uh after we do this inventory about our sex conduct, we ask God to mold our ideals and what what our sex conduct should look like. Um I think it's really important that we when we look through our conduct and how we treat uh the the other people in our lives. I would say, you know, our partners or not partners or whatever, like my wife and I had a we were married 20 years, but I had a you know, had a good marriage, but I was a terrible husband. You know, I treated her bad. I had to talk down to her, you know, she was a stay-at-home mom. Who was talking about that last night, Derek? Um, you know, as I had a I had I never thought about that. I had my foot on her throat, you know. Um and uh I also treated her, I like if I didn't get what I wanted, I was gonna hold my breath till I turned blue, you know, like argue till 3 a.m. till I get what I want, you know. How many of us have done that? Like, that's not the right thing to do, or threaten your wife that you're gonna go outside the marriage to get what you want. You know, that's not the proper way to use my will. It's not what God would have me do. So I I don't do that anymore. And it and so I used that prayer during that fifth step in between. We said this early this morning, my creator, I'm not willing, you should have all of me. Good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in my way of usefulness to you and my fellows, Grammy's tricks. I go off from here to your bidding. Amen. Then these prayers in the in the big book, in the 11th step. You know, um after making our review, uh so I say this one, uh um we ask God to remove our selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear when they crop up. This is 10 step, but we ask God to remove them at once. After making our review, we ask God's forgiveness and acquire what corrective measures are to be. Uh before we begin in the morning meditation, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially that it be divorced for self-self-pity, dishonest, and self-seeking motives. That's definitely on my prayer list every morning. Um asking God for inspiration. Intuitive thought or decision, asking God for inspiration. I need to be inspired. I'm a I'm a leader of men. You know, God has put me in that position. Um, and I have I have to be inspired. You know, how many I I show up and I got this from a guy who used to uh was a was a now the general manager of my former company of uh hundred billion dollar corporation I used to work for, global company. And uh he would say that if I show up to to make sales calls with somebody, I better bring it. You know? I mean there's a lot of times where I show up and I'm just like I don't even want to be here. I don't want to listen to this customer. I don't have any snake, I don't have any skin in the game, but I'm making money from it. You know, as a leader, that's not the right way, uh not the right attitude. So I asked ask for inspiration, like, hey, to show up and like bring something to the party, whether it's really good listening skills, whether it's follow-up, correct course correction after, whatever it is. Like I better, I better bring my mind to be present and be inspired, you know. Um we conclude our prayer and meditation and be shown throughout the day what our next step is to be, we'd be given whatever we need to take care of such problems. We especially ask for freedom from self-will and careful not to request for anything from ourselves. As we go throughout the day, when agitated or doubtful, we ask for the right direction, intuitive thought, or decision. Um ask God, thy will be done, not mine. You know. So these are prayers that I use on a daily basis basis to help me with that discipline, you know, that I started off and had zero when I first got sober. Um I become a little bit open-minded to some things, like whether it's listening to the to others speak about um their God. I don't I don't go to church. My own sponsor would you know beat me up about, you know, I'm Catholic. I grew up in a Catholic home. My dad probably wouldn't have been a priest if he didn't have nine kids. I think he uh he you know he liked being married and and uh and having babies more than he wanted to be a priest, but he was very religious and very spiritual. Never drank, smoked, and swore in his life. I grew up in a home with uh uh a non-alcoholic father, but uh he was disciplined. He was a drill sergeant in World War II, you know, and he was tough. And I couldn't imagine being number one. And number nine, he was like a little axe of me, but you know, the stuff that my sisters and older sisters and brother went through, man, dad was tough. You know, he would he would tell my brothers, he would egg them on, get the boxing gloves out, and make them go outside and beat the crap out of each other, you know. That's the kind of dad I grew up with. He was a boxer in the army, he was really cool. Um but I was petrified of them, man, fearful, you know. But I grew up in a home where I had some uh some discipline and saw some really cool spiritual stuff, but I couldn't apply it to myself and I kept drinking because of it. So um my sponsor and the men that I that have uh come before me have showed me a different way. So I I read this book recently. It's not a approved literature, so I won't share that share the title, but if anybody wants to hear about it, it's really cool. I'm not a big book reader, but uh my mom used to beat me up about it when I was a kid. She'd be like, You need to read, and I'm like, I hate reading. I want to go out and play, I want to ride my bike, I want to make jumps and you know do the cool stuff kids do. And I I I was a bad reader, but I'm I'm becoming a better reader as I get older. Um I I'm starting to enjoy it a little bit, but I don't finish books. I typically get a book because it looks really cool, and I read like two, three chapters, and it sits there and collects dust. So I finished this book because a friend of mine told me about it, and four big takeaways from it. Number one, slow down. Slow down. Um that's definitely aligned. You know, and I hope you guys see that these are aligned with this step. Slow down, breathe, come back to the moment, gratitude for where we are right now. And that's all aligned with taking inventory, looking at ourselves, sharing with others, um, really trying to change, asking God to remove these things from us that are blocking them, blocking us from them. Um my and this story is about Lenny again. Uh some of you met him a few years ago, probably maybe don't remember, but he was here as a support for me and for Matt, sponsors both of us. Lenny told me that um we I would drive up 94 heading home, and 94 is, you know, when I moved here, I didn't need the traffic. I was like, oh, this is great, man. There's no traffic. No, it's crazy now. It's as bad as Detroit now in Indianapolis. And I and I would get really frustrated living off 146 in Hazeldell and having a 30-minute commute from 69 to Hazeldell. It's a it's a nightmare. But Detroit was like that. And, you know, I'm an aggressive driver. I I race cars. My mentor's in the second row here on the racetrack. He's given me a lot of tips over the years. And uh he's a great, great, uh, great teacher and coach. And Jim, Jim Wolf is who I'm talking about. But I I like to drive fast and I'm impatient. And Lenny would say, get out of the fast lane. You don't belong there. Get in the slow lane. I just can't do it, man. You know, I uh I drive, I would drive up 94, 80, 85. This is when the speed line was 60, 65, whatever, and I'm driving, you know, like a bat out of hell. And uh I think at one point or two points, I flew past him, and I'm like, I pick up the phone and call him, and like, Lenny, I did it again. I'm in the fast lane, you know. He'd tell me to slow down, get in the slow lane, drive like an old man. Um hard for me. Don't text and drive. That's definitely a line. Like, I text and drive and email and drive sometimes, and I think I'm I'm immune because I race cars and I see things at speeds that most normal drivers don't, um, because I see things way down the road. But it doesn't help when I'm not looking at the road. I don't see you know people stopping a mile up the road because when my eyes are not up, they're down. Jim would tell me, get your eyes up. Get your eyes up and down the track, you know. And so these things I take with me. So I need to I need to do better. Limit social media, very difficult for me. Um, I I actually deleted Facebook off my phone about six months ago, and then six, you know, three, four months goes by. I was like, ah, I can I can look at Facebook and I put it back on my phone and I'm back to it. And I and I have a time limit set at an hour a day, and I still go past the hour and I'm like, ignore limit for the day. You know? Oh, hour a day wasted scrolling Facebook, you know. And then not to mention, like when I switched from looking at Facebook on a regular basis, I started looking at Instagram, which is just as bad. Uh walks walks uh slower, smell the roses. Scott would say, Frank, you need to sit on your porch once in a while and scratch your ear, you know what? You know, he would say, You work too hard, you know, you need to slow down. I'm worried about you. I'm thinking you might have a heart attack if you don't stop, you know, and smell the roses once in a while. So um, and then take it take a day of solitude. Like I I mean, uh this book I read was about uh eliminating hurry. And uh one of the things the guy said was like, how many of us would say, Oh man, I'm in, I'm so busy, so busy. You know, I need 10 more hours a day. He said, What we would do is just pack 10 more hours of crap into that 10 hours if we had 10 more hours a day. And like, how many of us are guilty of that? I am definitely guilty of packing everything into the stream of life that I can. I love living. I love being around people, I love doing activities, I want to do everything. I mean, my next three weekends are booked, you know. Time? Okay, thank you. So I want to close with this before we close with the Lord's Prayer. Um, again, reading 12 and 12. It's a really good thing to reflect on. Lord, make me a channel of that peace. That where there is hatred, I may bring love, that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness, that where there is discord, I may bring harmony, that where there is error, I may bring truth, that where there is doubt, I may bring faith, that where there is despair, I may bring hope. That where there are shadows, I may bring light, that where there is sadness, I may bring joy. Lord grant me, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted, to understand than be understood, to love than be loved. For it is by self forgetting that one finds, it is by forgiving that one is forgiven, it is by dying that one awakens to eternal life. Amen. We please help me close with the Lord's Prayer.