Hi, I'm Larry and I'm an alcoholic. Now you've seen the jacket. Now you're gonna see it go. No, I do that. We were taught a long time ago. And uh uh thank you. Uh and I'm nervous. Don't ask me why. I I just ate uh a long time ago to kind of put a coat and tie on uh out of respect for what Alcoholics Anonymous has done for me. Uh and and and what it can do for you. And and and hopefully tonight, you know, I I'll carry a message that that hits home with you. You know, I don't know. You know, I've had a lot of things going on. First of all, my sobriety date is September 6, 1981. You know, I can tell you I have recovered, but I'm still an alcoholic. And I think like an alcoholic. And and and I and and and and even after all those years, I still have an alcoholic brain. The only difference is that I know that I'm an alcoholic. I accept I'm an alcoholic, and my thinking is what got me here, which was the best thing that ever happened to me, which is kind of a kind of odd. But at the same time, uh it gave me a God in my into my life. And uh I had some things going on. I've had a lot of stuff going on this over the last three or four years. You know, my wife's medical uh things on on on that order, breast cancer, she's got cancer of the face, she's got, you know, I mean, that you know, we got it here and there, but she's doing well, she's doing better. Uh and there are times when, you know, when when when I want to say, why why do you keep giving me stuff? You know, I'd I'd use some other words, but you know, with since we're broadcasting, it'll have to be bleep it out. And somebody long time ago, when I came in here, said, Why not you? Huh? Why not me? There's people out there that have have just as many problems, have just as many uh uh situations that they wish they didn't have, uh, and and and and uh they live through it. You know, they don't drink over it. I didn't know how to how to live without taking a drink. You take alcohol away from me, and man, I you know, when I first came in these doors, it was it was the reason I came in when I wasn't on a winning streak. You know, I've been arrested. This was the fourth time. And uh it was the answer to a prayer. And that prayer was, and I hopefully you you you you've all reached it, you know, because it's called I call it the prayer of desperation. You know, I was desperate, you know, and I said a prayer. I said, God help me, I can't live this way no more. Please help me. I didn't put, I didn't do the foxhole prayer. If you get me out of this gym, I'll do this. I will never drink again and I'm in it. Two, three weeks later, I'm drinking again. You know, God kept his part up, but but I didn't keep my part up. And so those were things that uh that the that I had to learn. And I had to start trusting God. And and because if you don't trust him, you're not gonna believe in him. You're not gonna have that faith. I wouldn't. You know, I wouldn't. But at the same time, how did you know, I had to get to that so desperate that my life depended upon it, I was willing to say, all right, I'll try it your way. And I started, you know, so I went to Alcoholics Anonymous, and the reason I went, because I thought it would look good on my resume before I went back to see the judge. Oh, you're a good guy. I see that you're trying to do something great for your life. Here's your license, you can keep it, and and and and you'll be fine. You know, now now I mean only an alcoholic thinks that way. You know, I need to be an Alcoholics Anonymous to impress the judge. And so, you know, on the resume. Anyway, so as time went by, I came in, and and fortunately, uh, what happened was and I got a group of guys, and I've got uh you just watch my time, you know, told me one thing. You got to put this thing called sobriety before everything else. And that's true. And I thought you got to be kidding me. Just like everybody else. I said, well, yeah, but I got a job, I got a wife, I got kids, I got to pay the bills, I gotta do all that. You got to put sobriety before everything else. Now, what I've learned over the years is that my sobriety is my relationship with this higher power. That is what I got to do. You know, what we're gonna talk about tonight, you know, is is the 11th step. And I, you know, Alan over here has got the got the word that if I forget where my glasses are, he's supposed to tell me where they're at. So I I I did Fatima retreat. Step one, I couldn't find my glasses, and I'm going on, you know, and you know, I got cheaters, and so so it worked. So Alan told me, he says, I wanted to tell you, it was in your breast pocket on your jacket. And I said, Well, whatever. So he has instructions if I if I forget where they're at, that he's supposed to tell me. But the 11th step sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him, praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out. Huh. You know, when I prayed for a long time, I told God what I wanted him to do. Get me out of jail, get my job back. I need to make him some money. I, you know, I I would, you know, can you get my wife off my back? You know, like the old story goes, I just had back problems. I wanted the judge off my back, I wanted my wife off my back, I wanted my employer off my back, I wanted all these people off my back. And I would do, would try anything that I thought to get God to do my will. But what we talking here is only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out. Doesn't say I'm gonna ask for my will, I'm gonna ask for God's will. Now, in the beginning, I didn't know what God's will was. And then finally it dawned on me. I knew one thing that God wanted me to do because I said that prayer, God help me, I can't live this way no more. And where did he send me? 30 days later, he sent, well, I have to tell this because of Bill, he loves this. You know, the way God answered that prayer was State Trooper French. Now I can't remember names, and and and and anybody that knows me absolutely knows that's true. I cannot remember names. I can't put the face of the names together, but I remember State Trooper French, I can tell you that. And and and that was an answer to that prayer. Was I happy that God answered that that prayer that way? I was not thrilled. No. But it had set things in in motion, and what it was was that this is how God answered the prayer. I sat in Alcoholics Anonymous for for a long time. And I didn't know what God's will was for me. As it stays in here, you know, we pray for the knowledge of his will for us. And so I had to make it simple. You know, being an engineer by you know, by college education, you know, is is logical. And he brought me to Alcoholics Anonymous. His will for me was not to take a drink, not to take a drug. That's a good start. That was a great start for me, you know. And and and one of the things that I had to learn, you know, the and how it works is there there are those people who are constitutionally incapable of being honest, and I missed the last two words for a long time with themselves. I had to start getting honest with myself. Is the drink gonna help me? Is it gonna make the problem go away? Is it gonna make it better? I had I knew the answers to those. The answer was no. It was just gonna make it worse. Oh, I might be numb for a little while, but I'm either gonna wind up, you know, drunk, back in the slammer, uh, wreck a car, uh, you know, pin in closets and and and defecating in places that you're not supposed to defecate. I knew the answer was, you know, that that was that's honest. That's being honest. So God's will for me in the beginning and still is today is don't take a drink. There are days, you know, and I and and I've had them. Or I wanted to take a drink. It was it was horrible. I just I wanted to so bad. You know, man, I just gotta have it, just anything to take this pain away. But the first part of this, I need to improve my conscious contact with God. Maybe I need to talk to him. Maybe I ought to say, Hey God, I got a problem. I don't know how to solve it. Can you show me the way that you'd want me to solve it? Instead of saying, God solve this problem for me. I did that all the time. You know. And one of the things that happened after three and a half years, and you know, I had to tell the story, and I have to, it it because I had to humbly ask God to do this. You know, that's in the third step. And I had to humbly ask him to do that. And I'm at a meeting, I've been sober for, well, I was 19, about 84. I've been sober about three, four years. We had started a meeting on Friday night, it was a step meeting. Uh old guy in there, Bill. And uh, and and so I I had worked the steps, I'd put them in my life, and but I I had a house down in down in Georgetown, Kentucky that I needed to sell. Uh, I had borrowed $40,000 from my dad so I could have the house that I lived in up here. I had money, and I'm going broke. You know, the job that I had isn't you know bringing in the money. And and and and and I didn't know what to do. And so we're at that meeting, and I and I'm talking to old Bill after the meeting, and I said, Bill, these steps just aren't working. It's just not working. And he looked at me and he says, You praying? And I said, Well, yeah, Bill, I'm praying. Then he asked me the key question. Are you praying on your knees? Not knee, knees. Both knees. And I said, Oh, Bill, I'm you know, come on, nobody prays on their knees. He said, Well, you get on your knees. Now, if if you want to, you know, throw your shoes or car keys, your glasses underneath the bed, and while you're down there, you know, because if your wife catches you, you don't want to tell her, Oh, I'm praying, you know, that that would be horrible. You know, you know, how many times have we done some things that you know have seen me passed out and puked in the yard and puked places and just done all those things? But who in the world would want to see have a have your wife see you pray? And so I did what Bill asked. That was a Friday night, Saturday. My my wife and kids were gone. I I'm gonna assume, I'm not sure. I'm assuming they went to the store or something, and I got enough money in the bank to keep us alive for for 30 days. That's it. And so I went around that house. One, they were gone. Okay, I can pray now, but I closed every drink on the first floor. I did not want to have my neighbors see me praying. And that's the first time I really realized how big my ego was. And I love the the you know, whatever you call it, you know, ego is edging God out. Now, God is as you as you understand. That's fine. I'm not gonna tell you what God to believe in, but I'm just telling you there's something out there better. But my ego, I couldn't get through the through that doorway. My ego was that big. And I got on my knees and I said, God, please help me. Take me where you need me, where you want me. Do with me what you will. And I meant it. I really did. Because I was lost. Well, things started happening, and you know, I'm I'm here today. You know, I'm 80, I'm I'll be 81 uh this next month. So God had something for me, and and and and things just happened. You know, and to improve my conscious contact, I've got a contact with him, but I gotta improve it. I don't know how many, oh and congratulations on the child coming. But the neatest part about it, and and and it dawned on me, you know, a number of years ago, was the fact is that to improve my conscious contact, you know, I I've I've got to talk to this higher power. I need to talk to them. You know, I I have kids, and you know, and and and my kids have told me a number of number of times growing up, you know, you're an asshole. So I guess that's all right. You know, you you you know, I hate you. I can't stand you. Why are you making me do this? It's horrible. I hate it. Don't you ever talk to me again? And I'll tell you what, all those kids had to do was say, Dad, can I talk to you? You betcha. I'll be right there. What do you need? Let me see what I can do to help you. So why would this higher power not want me to do that? But he wants me to be part of his life, he wants me to be part of his life. And so I gotta improve that conscious contact. You know, so so it it it just works. You know, and I could get into the big book, I'm gonna try it, which I will. But it it tells us, like, you know, in the you know, when when we retire at night, you know, um Daryl said the on on step 10, you know, when we come to 11, you know, retire. We look at what we accomplished or what we didn't. Have we been selfish? Have we been self-centered? Were we self-seeking? Are those things that we want to do? These steps, 10, 11, and 12, they call them, you know, the maintenance steps. And I think in the big book, a lot of people call them the gross steps. I've kind of added my own. I call it the changing steps. Because when I look at my day, how did I treat my wife? How did I treat my fellow employees? How did I treat the people on the street? How did I treat those people that are driving? You know, I still have that with roundabouts. I still pray a lot of roundabouts. Dear God, please help these people learn how to drive a roundabout, please. You know, but how did I do that? But this is where I changed, which we looked at step six. You know, do I want to be that asshole that was, or do I want to be the person I am today? And I don't want to go back being the other person. And so I can't take that first drink, I can't do it, but I need God's help to stop it. But if I'm willing to have him part of my life and and improve it, you know, you know, I didn't get to this point. It it's taken a long time. You know, the second step says came to believe. You know, I can truly tell you today I believe. Came is done. The black print and the big book. That is my gospel. That tells me what's going on. And so if if if I'm looking at at doing that, you know, and to improve it, it takes some time. I start my uh I start my day every morning with some with some readings. Chad sends some stuff to me, I send some stuff back to him, daily reflections. Choose what you want, but something. I when I started a long time ago, you know, somebody told me go put a big book right by the toilet. And while you're sitting there, you know, whatever you're doing, read a page. At the end of a at the end of a year, you would have read the first 164 pages twice. So I did that. I mean, yeah, I it was anything. But you know, but but I started doing those things and I started relying upon God. And it tells me, you know, uh, and when we wake up in the morning, you know, we look at our day. But what can I do for God? You know, one of the stories that I uh, you know, which I I I gotta watch here a little bit, but I could give you hundreds and thousands of examples of things happened in my life because of God. Because I asked God, what take me where you want. And do with me as you will. And he's he's never given me anything that he's given me a life that's unbelievable. It really is, it truly is. I'm happy, I'm joyous, I'm free. You know, are are there times when I'm upset? Absolutely. You know, it's just not going my way. And then I remember, wait a second, you know, uh, you know, I have this, this, and this. You know, if I start giving the list of things in my life, he said, what the heck are you complaining about? Makes absolutely no sense. Well, I'm an alcoholic and I'm, you know, I have this negative attitude sometimes. But but having that conversation through prayer and meditation, I started my day, I changed my prayers. One of the prayers that I started with, you know, and today is I I thank God for for uh helping me not take a drink. And then I uh what I've said, a lot of people say the third and seven steps of prayer, that's fine. I have no problem with that. That's good. Nobody's gonna tell you what to do or how to do it. But one of my prayers is that I put in, I says, God, I come today to remind me that I've turned my life and my will over to your care. And pray for the knowledge of your will and the power to carry that out. I have a lot of people who have said, Well, I don't have time to pray. I said, Wait a second. Let's put a let's let's put a stopwatch on that. Hit your knees and say the prayer. 15 seconds. You know, why not? Why not? Done heard. I've got 15 seconds. And I find when I take that time and when I put it out there, things just happen. One of the things that that I told Alan on the way over here, I, you know, I I I have to go on to um Medicare, and I got to get some information and I got to get some forms signed by an old employer. You know, now being an alcoholic, I'm trying to figure out ways. Well, the my nickname for a long time used to be uh loophole. I was always trying to find a loophole. You know, that's a good alcoholic, trying to find some way around it. And so I find so I called my secretary and and Karen, and I said, I need to get these signs. Do we know anybody over at this place where we used to work? She said, No, we don't know anybody. And she said, What do you need? And I told her, she said, Well, that's got to be signed by human resources. I said, Oh man, what do I got to go to human resources for? Why can't I just get somebody to sign the dumb thing and that's it? You know, you know. And so I started going on fretting about it and being this good alcoholic. I still am that you know, mine. So I want to get this done now. Now I've got till December 7th to get this done, but but yeah, I want it done now. So finally I prayed, I did. I prayed about. I said, God help me, I I don't know what to do. Could you, you know, could you give me some guidance? And the next thing I know, I'm sitting there and I said, Well, why don't you call the company, the old company's uh uh human resources? Okay. So I looked it up on the internet, blah, blah, blah, I couldn't find it anyway. So I I I I I I found a number, I called, and they said, Well, you want this number. And so they sent me that to this other number. And I get a lady out in India, you know, I don't know what, you know, and I have a hard time. I said, Oh man, this is not gonna go well. And it turns out, as she was talking, I remember, wait a second, I've got my old, old employee number. So I found so I found that while she was talking, I found that, and so she she and I said, I said, Well, here's what I need. I said, I don't think you can help me. No, no, I can help you. And I said, so I gave her the information. She says, Do you have your uh your uh employee number? So I gave her the employee number and I says, You sure you can say, Yeah. She says, you know, uh, do you have the form? I says, Yeah, well, email it to us. I'll give you the email and I'll give you a case number. And oh, by the way, we'll get it back to you in five to in five business days. Now I'm sitting here fretting about all this stuff, and I just said a simple prayer. And it just worked out. It just works out, you know. So what I'm trying to tell you is is more than anything else. The 12th step. I do that every day. Because the big book tells me all I got is a daily reprieve based upon my spiritual, you know, my my spiritual uh condition. So how do I improve my spiritual condition? Well, first I need to pray on my knees, be humble, ask for God's will, and go about my day. You know, things will happen. You know, we go back to the tenth step. I get angry, you know, and I've I I get angry, I mean, but I'm not as bad as I used to be. You know, thank goodness. Man, I wouldn't want to be around me. But it works. What I'm trying to say to you right now, after 45 years, if this thing didn't work, and if this higher power didn't work, if my life was miserable, I wouldn't be standing here in front of you tonight. I wouldn't. There's no way. I've got enough stuff going on in my life, but at the same time, I've got a life that's unbelievable. It really truly is. So put the 11th step in. Let God into your life, your higher power. You know, in the beginning, for me, it was my sponsor. And it was the group. It was the meetings. But eventually, it kind of evolved. And the last thing, I I'll I'll I'll I'll end with this. You don't have to find this higher power. You don't have to find it. You know, Bill likes to likes to say they just trick you. And I owe a lot to Bill. I mean, you know, Bill and Mike and all the ones before me. You know, those guys helped a lot and got me down. I trusted them. You know, and they drug me around and helped me. But the big book tells me God could and would if he were sought. Doesn't say you got to find him. It's you gotta seek him. And by seeking him, you can use the 11th step. And that's what you're trying to improve. You know, how did I treat my wife? How did I treat my kids? You know, all of these, and how do I change? How do I become a better dad? How do I become a better husband? How do I become a better wife? How do I become better for uh an employer or an employee? You know, I tell guys that I sponsor, I says, why don't you go in with the attitude, how do I make my boss look good? Well, one is show up on time, you know, get to work and do what he asks you to do. So those are things you can ask God. But using and end every prayer, and I do this too, thy will be done, not mine. So I'm Larry Bauman alcoholic. I don't care if he knows it, I don't know if I know it's a little. God let go.